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John Cheese’s Pro-Gay Rights Stance is Really Hollow Pandering

Cheese has posted several tweets of a pro-gay rights bent, as if him realizing what lots of people have already realized is somehow profound. It’s not the content that is objectionable, but the trite, self-congratulatory nature of it that made it so terrible. 

Sadly, John Cheese has deleted his twitter account. Wait, not sadly. Actually I’m kind of glad about it. But, the quotes below, even standing alone, show that beneath John Cheese’s thin veneer of “common sense liberal” is a homophobe yearning to burst free.

This is John Cheese speaking. As you can see Dave asked me to sit in while he’s off having gay sex on the down low.” - John Cheese

Because black guys have huge dongs. That’s what Dave tells me. And I believe him because he’s somewhat of an expert on dudejunk. I’m calling David gay.” - John Cheese

And if you already own our album or for some reason you don’t like our music because you’re a huge gayhole, I can still burn you other CDs.” - John Cheese

You can find the article in question here:

Oh, in case you had any doubt, the lyrics to John Cheese’s completely hilarious-and-not-at-all-homophobic song, “Gay Superman”:


Looks like John Cheese is, once again, proven to be a fraud. 

That piece of shit Wong sure sounds defensive here. The laughable idea that writing a weekly column is some sort of horrible grind is also worth noting. The deletion of Cheese’s twitter remains unexplained, save for vague-to-the-point-of-meaninglessness “it was starting to interfere with real life”, as if Cheese does much besides be a douche on the internet. At this point, it’s clear something is going on with Cheese, and it’s probably not good. Even so, I suspect he will “recover” from whatever it is, and use it to rehash the same masturbatory self-mythologizing on which he has based his entire “comedy” career.

Still Betting on Dumb

Twitter was a massive time consumer and it was starting to interfere with real life things so he decided to delete his.

— SnuggleNom (@Nomtastic) August 14, 2014

So it looks like Cheese’s wife explains his disappearance in the most mundane terms imaginable. It’s possible, but it’s hard for me to believe. He’s a self-styled “internet celebrity”, and clearly relishes people riding his nuts.

That, plus no column today, to me indicates he’s going to milk his disappearance to “pull traffic” some time soon.

Don’t get me wrong, the internet is a better place without Cheese’s self-satisfied blathering, but I find it hard to believe he’d go that easily. One can hope, though. 


Cheese deleted his twitter account.

I can’t wait for the overdramatization that will surely follow. My bet is he will claim that the overwhelming stupidity of Twitter caused him to quit. Probably because people posted their beliefs on some social issue, and those beliefs are not up to Cheese’s standards

But, we’ll see. Rest assured, whatever the reason, it will be dumb.

Because complicated moral questions can be answered through “experience.”

Don’t mistake me making a point with me inviting you to a debate. I’ll shape my worldview through experience and not rebuttals.

— John Cheese (@johncheese) August 4, 2014

It’s lucky that Cheese chose the worldview that doesn’t require reading or education of any kind, because it’s the one that makes him feel the smartest. 

Also, what experience? Playing Diablo 3? Skyping with that piece of shit David Wong? Yeah, that’s quite a ride, Cheese. 


Not that you shouldn’t ever troll … just realize while you’re doing it that it’s one of the easiest, least creative forms of comedy. 

— John Cheese (@johncheese)

August 2, 2014

Dispatches From The Front (of Cheese’s War on Dignity)

Cheese still writes his articles, and they are still shitty, believe you me. But lately he really seems to mailing it in. He has an on-going serious of “Comedy Gems Hidden on Youtube.” He literally combs through a particular post on the Cracked Forum devoted to lesser known comedy videos, picks out the ones he finds funny, and then posts a list. Each video is accompanied by a paragraph from Cheese explaining why it is funny. I guess because he’s a comedian (he’s not)? Regardless of whether you think the videos are funny (they aren’t), the jokes they are going for aren’t exactly subtle enough to require an explanation. Especially from a guy as stupid as John Cheese.  How someone with a high school education that was power washing semi’s a few years ago thinks that he should be explaining things to people is beyond me.  I think he’s done 10 of these hack jobs.

Even his “I used to be poor and drunk but now I’m awesome so here’s how to live your life” articles seem even more like retreads of previous articles than usual.  HIs traffic has really been down, as it seems even people that read his articles out of a sense of hatred for the man have grown bored with his garbage.

Luckily (or unluckily, I guess), he is still one of the more underrated assholes on Twitter. It’s not so much asshole behavior (though there is that, too), but more that he may actually be turning into a human anus. 

He has really stepped it up there, to the point that as far as I can tell, he now thinks he is some kind of twitter activist, and that his thoughts about social issues are so insightful they simply must be shared. “Twitter activist” is kind of an oxymoron, I suppose. Don’t let it confuse you. Cheese posts vague, nearly meaningless tweets about “equality” now**, and awaits the long line of his twitter acolytes to take turns riding his nuts.  He doesn’t really “do” anything. Though, given the vapid nature of the tweets in question, I’m not sure he’d even know what to do if he wanted to, you know, leave the house.

I’ll follow up on this shortly, but it will have to be piecemeal. I don’t have the energy at the moment, and the amount of idiocy to unravel is somewhat intimidating. 

John Cheese Douche Fact for the Day: Mack Leighty and his best frined Jason Pargin are both approaching 40 years of age. Both still refer to each other as “(John) Cheese” and “(David) Wong” Wong is actually a piece of shit too, but a man can only write so much. 


** I’ll go ahead and anticipate what the Cheese Midnight NutRiders (patent pending) will say as they furrow their brow in a vain attempt to understand what I’ve written. The idea that all people should be treated equally is a good one. It’s in the Constitution, of which I am a fan (and, actually, sworn to uphold, if you want to get technical). His tweets on the subject are still shit, and make no sense. 

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